The fog hits the light
and reflects an image on the ground,
something i can't comprehend,
something i'll never understand.

i watched you walk so far away,
with twenty questions swarming inside my head,
and i swear i could pick you out from a million clouds,
a speck of something i couldn't live without.

i erased whatever i felt,
pretended you went away years ago,
but like a bull with a temper,
my heart's set on what i can't say aloud.

we gave what we couldn't bear to lose,
you gave us too much space,
space to live and space to breathe,
while all along we wanted to fill the void,
fill the space
that built the twentieth question,
that teased the bull
and the space that made us grow apart.

soon you'll see
what i meant from the start,
and soon the snow will come
and the sky will fill up
with everything you hate,
all you wouldn't say,
but we really can't depend on anyone,
we'll always feel alone in the end,
don't say we're easy,
it's only sensitivity.

open eyes in the middle of the night
a blinking flash in the corner
but you say you always wanted to go to to the south,
and you need to get away from the cold,
my bones are cold, you said you wanted to get away
away from all of these dark clouds
and my dark sky, but i told you
that we'll always be alone in the end,
you can't disappear from yourself
and all you wanted to say.

you told me
before you went away,
that the best part of life
is letting everything go,
and you wanted to let me go
so you could leave
but you left those questions in the air
and you never finished telling me your story,
everything you wanted to say,
and you'll be alone in the end,
and i'll be looking up,
winter's coming soon and i'll be looking up,
wondering what you wanted to say.

a soft goodbye,
a useless glance
at anything that could have been;
against the wall and everything flat,
i told you everything you didn't want to hear,
everything i didn't want to say.

i hear you're gone and
i can't think, the white walls
and deep purple sheets,
i told you everything
that i never really meant,
avoiding something that would last for years.

hair back and you swore you didn't mean it,
and i can't help but look back,
and you can't even walk
and i'm thinking of how much you hurt,
confess my mind, but you wouldn't listen,
my voice invisible and your eyes swelling,
this isn't happening, you told me
and it's all over,
this is the end,
the dark purple sheets
against the wall,
flat, and you're gone.

arched,
like pale pink and spinning,
tumbling and hiding
like a bird, floating endlessly.

the sky is an ocean
of what you can't see;
the stars are swimming
and we're just drowning,
like your back in silk,
white and pale
your skin
and bones, arched
and my feet are spinning
on the soft wood,
the ground shatters as you fall:
the silk surrounding
drowning my feet,
tied around my legs,
pale pink and spinning.

the songs behind the door
in the corner where you used to lie,
you said so many things in such a short time
and i try and try to hold you close,
but every time i disarm myself
you're in front of me again.

you're ruined too easily,
fall asleep at the neighbors
and wish away your all that you had,
my bones are cold and your
hands are dangerous,
stay inside where you can lie.

worry loudly and say something else,
what you can't know and what you will
they tie a knot around your veins
and you'll listen closely to my song,
soft sounds behind the door,
they turn into words.

stop being so perfectly quiet,
hiding yourself from whatever you’re afraid of–
why are you so lonely lately,
with the thunder in the sky and your big green eyes?

you know what i'd do for you,
forever and until i'm blind and deaf and
i can't speak, i can't speak to you anymore,
with your perfect face
and the memories that block your mind from mine,
and why do you have to stay so quietly,
passing on the forgiveness to someone else,
cause you can't forgive me.

so why can't i just move away,
with my pride on the side and your words in my mouth,
my head crumbling every other day with the thought
that you could be somewhere else,
and i said i saw you and you said you loved me
but i really can't take you for granted,
cause you were never mine to begin with–
so now it's my turn to be quiet, turn away
and walk into the dark universe, wait
and hope you can somehow catch up with me,
afraid of what you're hiding from.

you say you know what you saw,
and you saw diamonds up there,
but what is it that you wanted,
i avoid the question, on the tip of my tongue
and i know what you think i'm thinking
and i'm not thinking that,
my mind blank and i can only see the emptiness of the night.

how badly do you want to leave yourself,
cause you seem like you're always leaving me behind,
and how badly did you want me to lean over you,
and give in to your imagination of diamonds
cause i swear they weren't sattelites,
they're bits and pieces of our thoughts
and the pressure of our breaths.

i always thought i'd have more time until the morning
to tell you exactly what i wanted
and soon we could see the stars moving
and you were so comfortable on the rocks looking at me for two hours
but you ruined it and we left before we could see the light over the water,
you made the feeling disappear
and i avoided your question and thought of the emptiness i saw in you.

how exactly would you like to see this,
these waves built up around you,
they're already gone and you don't swim,
what did you intend?

and we can't wait forever for these days to end
and we can't get over how much we lost
but we're carrying so much to waste
nothing at all to leave to get
and whatever we can to help us go away,
we take and we take all that we can see.

the summer waves building up and haunting us
torturing the sunset of how much we lost along the way,
yeah but soon this will be over
and we can't find a way to leave it sooner
but just wait until you fade away
and you'll see just how far we'll go without you and your waves.

it doesn't matter. none of it does. live numbly, safely, with no expectations, no worry, nothing to deny and everything to let go. with openness to the world, yet fogged in myself. too many questions that fill me up and yet i can't let any of them out, and i give up and i'm hungry, never satisfied. i can't stop wanting something from myself and when i get what i was promising, i let it go too easily. slipped away from my mind, and my emotions blockade the world and even me. i can't find the real meaning behind my intentions, because now i don't want anything. energy, it's all energy that everyone ever wants from each other. i've lost mine, and i gave it to you and you and you. ignored, and i'm left crying at beautiful things with no one to read my life, no one to know. it doesn't matter. i lost. i gave in, i shut down and i'm drowning, because i expected too much at once. i built my satisfaction up, all of my emotions aligned, brick by brick, too fast. and it came crashing down at once. it doesn't matter. it will be part of the past, and in the future, apart of the future, you– i'll still be crying at beautiful things–i want a beautiful life, and i crashed it. and there's no one to read it, to read about my life, and so therefore it doesn't really, truly matter. to me, but not to the world. not to the ones i call my closest, not to the ones i care about. care? there's nothing to care, because i'm selfish. i can't pay attention, so i shouldn't want to be paid attention to. i would always get proved wrong, you with me, with everything i say, wrong. they don't know. they don't care to know, they just say it. they say it, and it doesn't. fucking. matter. none of it does.

message inside messages.
(live with questions, give up satisfied. stop promising, slip away, blockade the real meaning. i lost you. ignored, crying, i drown, expected satisfaction, crash. the past, apart of you, i'll be crying, beautiful. read my life to me, the world. nothing to care. pay attention to prove me wrong.)

we felt the stars surrounding us,
as the water crashed in our minds
and filling us up with emptiness.

i didn't know what i wanted,
and you didn't seem to care;
meteors, all the bad things outside the world
just fill up and close in together,
and burst in light that turns into magic.

questions about the world and where we are,
they all rattled the back of my mind
and the unbelievable comfort–
the world turned foggy
and as i stood up to face the water,
i turned upside down like the rest of space.

You spoke of the one that could raise you high
and you fell so gently when she flew on by,
but i can't say i never told you so,
and i can't say i never loved you too.

I walked through your hands as I passed the night,
the owls hiding with you far from sight,
but I could see you through your window,
softly saying that you could dance better
that you could dance higher than me.

I can't say I never told you so,
you said you loved her too,
but your hands are dirty with your lungs wrung up,
the dirt from my heart piled on when I let it go,
time beating faster with every spark,
your heart's spark shaking the night.

eyes and ears swelling,
midnight skies falling,
down and under into what we know,
everything we've ever imagined,
into a small dust of perfection.

the dust turns to the light
and shimmers gallantly,
reaching the top of the buildings
and then continues to fall,
delicate, lightly, with an ounce of hope
in everyone's eyes,
waiting for it to disappear.

lights flash across your face,
blinking and holding a thought,
right there and stay like that,
keep your shoulders to the wall
and let me think of something to say,
something that will change everything,
to change your mind and to change my ways,
to stop the time and to stop your anger.

don't tell me if there's anything i've done,
i think i already know,
and if i don't make sense, don't hold it against me,
i'm trying to pull you down from where you've gone to,
just stay how you were,
what seems like ages ago,
fighting for something so useless,
for something that's grown into so much more.

just wait,
one more moment while i think some more,
and just wait until i'm done,
i'm finished hiding and turning my back away,
but what's the point, with my mind frantic
and you, fragile,
we can't think any more and time can't stop,
we can't change a thing and i'll never change,
the time won't wait and you never had,
and what's grown into more is only the distance,
the white water in between us,
the fog clouding around and the reasons why we shouldn't try;
i can't ask for you to wait,
and there's nothing i could say.

the city lights walk by themselves
as i drive up to the house,
can't think the rain is anything more
than what you think you feel,
congested and broken,
drunken fingers colliding in the backseat of the car.

your eyes are wide and disappearing,
as my luck has it, the room is dark,
i'd say anything at all just to say something,
but across the room the smoke floats up from the ground.

she's calling your name from the other side of the wall,
and i look up and put my hand down,
regrets filling my mouth and i can't seem to open my eyes,
the records scratching in the corner,
and you walk out the door with your mind somewhere else;
the lights are emptying,
and i don't want to go outside anymore

to everything i regret
and to whatever i missed,
to everything in the past,
and to what we left alone,
i can't help but wish
that you're the one who'll burn out,
and as we grow more apart,
the water surrounding the world,
thickening,
you'll always stay where you were.

We think about all that we know
and what we can't escape from,
everything we want to see
and who to fall out of line for,
when our minds become blurred
and the only thing we can think about
is the first person we laid eyes on.

and as much as i want to stop,
i can't stop breathing,
and with everything that i said
and the way i left it all behind,
and the feeling that makes me up
to be who i am without the past,
my shoulders became heavy and my mind empty.

hands shake
like a blizzard entering a war.
your eyes suffer
like my heart did before.

and you're everything i thought i could use,
and i'm done using you
and i'm sure you're finished hurting me,
i can't say i don't understand,
waiting silently
the walls covering my ears
and my hands shake,
with the wind from the glass.
the shadows of the corners
loom over the pale dark shades
the floor, wood and empty,
are too cold for my ice feet.
and the window is shaking
as the raindrops on the lens show through,
making me blurred
and the room darker than it appears.
making it empty.
pale and dark
and it's only a fake moment
caught in the wrong time
when we were breaking.

a soft pounding
in my head, against my skull
and my eyes are blurred against the wind,
lost in between
what i wanted and what i needed.

a lilac cover for your face,
i can't even remember my name.
the mountains are shifting and my feet are cracking,
look at the bottom of the ocean
and you can see my breath,
clear as the moon in a winter storm,
just waiting patiently
for you to dive in.

i suppose this is the way
it's supposed to go
and the memories are all the same
but you look so tired,
so tired of me
and i can't imagine how you couldn't.
force yourself to leave
and wait until i'm gone,
in the ocean, the windy ocean
where i have no name
and where you can't find me.

I could've told you if I knew or not
and then I saw you walk away,
fast enough for me to hate you
and slow enough for me to catch you,
and did I ever tell you
how much I used you
and did you ever tell me
how much you used to hate me,
I wonder how much you still do.

You can't say I never tried
i tried all my head could take and you still sent me spinning,
and I could've told you i miss you,
i'm leaving for a while, i said,
and then i came home and never saw you again,
and did i ever tell you how much i loved you,
no i don't remember that i did,
i only remember how much i wanted you to be in my bedroom
and only remember how often you'd lie
and only three times i cried,
but what else could i say
to make you turn back this way.

i saw your eyes shining bright
as you'd dance through the halls
and i saw your smile, so light,
lighter than mine
and you only wanted to see all of me
and i hid from you and now i'm listening to pretty voices
cause i can't remember yours,
you don't know how much i'd kill for that,
and now let's wait and see
how fast i can walk toward you,
if i ever saw you again
and we're rambling on but that's the only way
i can communicate with you,
by shy glances and my feet turning around.

could you tell me what you felt
if i told you that i miss you
and i never left to begin with,
and however much i missed you,
i missed you more than you did me,
but that won't change a thing
cause i'm still waiting for you tell me
how much you still hate me.

you say it's been a while,
and nothing has changed;
our same dead end conversations
and all the right things you said:
you say they're still true.

i caught you in a lie
and you caught my breath with the things you'd say,
i'm still convinced we gave up too soon;
maybe it's a lesson learned
or maybe it's a mistake we can't undo.

what was it that you wanted to tell me,
you were always secretive in your own right.
you claimed me to be even worse,
when i'd wake you up at night,
just to hear your voice
and you'd whisper, i could barely make you out,
you were outlined in my head
and to hear your breath,
it satisfied the light beaming in.

the months drag and all i remember
is imaging you with your green shoes
and the smoke around your eyes,
the only thing i could make of you;
even your voice seems disclosed these days.

do you think the prickling sound will ever go away?
and the fog that comes with it,
will it stay,
like you said you would?

i can feel your glance,
in the next room.
i hear his voice, my eyes closing,
can't this be it, all that ever matters?

we try to remember his face,
but you can't think of the last time you saw him,
can't you go away,
your face in the doorway,
i can still hear his guitar.

the sound of your voice
waves crashing,
deafening and chilling,
the salty breath
and the broken heart,
swinging and twisting
drowning inside and
left with no excuse,
no excuse for your mistakes,
no excuse for the pounding sand,
the rocks that tumble and fall underneath,
and i'm drowning under you,
afraid to know anything else
but your salty breath
and cold hands.

i look to you,
the heat rising.
i can see the shocks of lighting
through your eyes,
and it's caving in.
i can see the time racing by,
full of colors without names,
they describe your mind.

the twisting wind catches your breath,
can't see in front of you,
and i can't seem to go back.
i can see you so close,
and you feel so far away,
the speed catching on,
i can hear in your steps.

i know you want to vanish,
cowardly into a corner,
away from me
away from time
just to make it all slow down,
your heart disappearing,
breath loosening,
i can't see you anymore,
i can't feel you.

it finally hit me,
the spotlight caving in my eyes,
and i can't seem to think
of any more lies,
only to tell myself
that i admit all my mistakes.

time can't wait
and neither could you,
and idea of everything from the past,
it seems to stand still;
i have no answers,
and you can't seem to say anything,
the ground pounding through my feet,
sending waves throughout my mind,
i can't think of anything to say to you now.

we taught ourselves what was best,
and from there we learned our mistake,

////////////////////

i can hear your voice a mile away,
a soft and slow kind of sway,
and i drag my toes to your room,
through the door and up the stairs,
my eyes are shut and is it safe to assume,
that i'll see your face in a sort of drown,
to see your shoulders winding down,
following your arms, back and forth,
and your fingers gliding gently,
your neck leaning and your eyes,
intently closed, wrapped in your mind,
the soft delicate sound filling the air.

your fingers cross as your eyes frown,
i lean against the corner,
invisible and watching,
as your back curves as you turn for the minor c,
your feet still and bare,
my shoulders aching from the weight of your breath.

the floor is motionless
as i take another step toward you,
and the morning air seems to be lifeless
in a sort of charm that you used to carry.
the cool breeze entwined with the curtains,
ruffling and twisting to it's death,
is your only background sound
as your hands dance and plead,
your mind forceful against your dreams,
and you didn't notice my shadow in front of you.

the grace in your body
excludes itself from your tone,
and some day i'll never hear this voice,
it will be but a recording of something lost
and the exact moments you press the chord,
the burst of sound and the light from the windows,
i'll bury my face in those curtains,
pleading just as silently as you had,
for one last look into your frowning eyes,
lips content and neck hung,
shoulders aligned and hands gliding,
you'll never notice my shadow in front of you.

i can draw pictures
that say more than what i can,
and i'd rather fall and die
than live paralyzed,
and i can't count the sky,
because my eyes are dying,
and i can express what i don't feel
better than what i do.
i wish i could live surrounded by green,
and high off the ground;
i wish i never knew what time meant,
and spend my life recklessly chasing after
everything that made me feel awake.
i wish i could learn to be afraid more easily,
and i wish i were strong enough to face what i hate.
i want to be able to feel something other than restless,
and i want to learn the way everyone thinks.
i can run faster for what i want than for what i need,
and i ignore everything i'm close to,
and i break anything in my hands,
and i wish too much that i can stop writing about
anything that has to do with the idea of love,
and i wish i could stop trying to believe in it,
i want to stop trying to understand why i'm too hard to be convinced.
i can think of reasons why i'm not to be trusted,
and i can find ways to disagree with myself.
i can jump fences faster than i can sprint,
and i can hurt you harder than what i like to believe,
but all i want is to be able to be content.

the world twists and shifts and
as the water colapses around you,
i look at your hand,
as dry as my love
and your feet are tied down and drowning
and i promise to you,
until my love runs out
and until my light fades and my breath,
too shallow,
i won't move an inch, speak a word
that's toward your aching pain.

i never wanted to be your regret,
you've been looking for ages for something so sweet,
and time's only running out
and we're only living stronger,
and when we stop growing,
when this love runs out
we start dying,
as my light fades
and as my breath can't say your name anymore,
but that won't be until i'm at my last side,
when i'm falling too much and when you're too weak to hold my waist;
i can't say much but i can promise you,
if you walk back toward me through those waves,
i'll stop drowning you
and i'll tear my love out if i have to.

everything we chased,
whatever we knew
and anything we said,
it can be taken into context
and we twist words around,
make it fit into our minds,
hurting our hearts deep into our feelings,
maybe my thoughts can push them deeper.

everything we fought for,
whatever we wanted to change in ourselves
and anything we loved,
it feel to pieces,
as we tried, on and off and delicately and fiercely,
to pick them up, and your words glued them together
and unknowingly, my mind pushed them back apart.

something we felt,
like the chill of winter on our skulls,
whichever way we wanted to choose,
maybe for ourselves or for one another,
we drifted and then i sank,
you became lost to me
and whatever i can take back,
i'd do it in a heartbeat, i'd take back letting you become lost,
and everything we meant to each other,
i want to hear it over again
and anything i can do
i'd do it in a heartbeat, just to take my words back,
to find whatever we wanted again.

sounds vibrating in the thin air, pleading gently
caught off guard and too afraid to ask,
to ask what you really love inside of you,
and everything that you think you know,
what happened to your voice,
your movements
music
soft
and clinging,
a white sheet draped in the sun,
that's what they said to me,
you were quiet and delicate,
hushed tones and your hair, so vibrant
and i know someone else inside you,
completely different
something i thought i could move past,
sing a different song and move along,
past you and you were my past,
you are my past.

your frame,
leaning carelessly,
your head back and your neck bruised,
a frame of mind so carelessly,
as you drape against the corner,
slow smile,
your eyes drifting,
arms are moving,
and your chest hunched inward,
shoulders low and your breath fragile,
but you're solid and capable of lying,
but your voice convinces me otherwise.

the last mind cut to an edge,
the sparks flew out and now we're dead,
look at the gravel, see what's underneath,
tell yourself that you've got all you need.

we burned like stars
and it went too fast,
and now we're ashes hanging by a cigarette,
it's meant to be unhappy
and it's meant to be so good,
but then the time whisks away
all of the feeling left in us.

i never tried,
never made an attempt,
never thought an inch,
never tried and never lasted,
i never wanted to learn to love,
never gave a moment to my mind,
never wanted to get hurt by anyone but you.

we forget, easily. as we hear the laughter down the hall,
maybe it's crying.
that's a description of us together--
is it good, do we fit in place?
or are we each other's stepping paths, just to learn,
never to speak, only to sit and wait until this is over,
just to hurt and live with the doubt for a few, a several, years,
live in wonder and maybe hatred for some months,
only to figure out,
that we didn't fit into each other; we were meant to be hurt,
meant to survive and meant to move on,
after all of that falling.
we taught each other to hold on, to lie, to apologize and to love,
and we made it this far,
only to let go for good.

we watched the sky
as it aligned with our eyes,
clear and beautiful, you said.
the stars light up your world.

soft sounds whisper, gathering in color around you,
your face the least of stone,
soft and smooth yet as peaceful as death,
as the light shone on your skin.

we watched the stars,
as they burst with life,
falling and cringing and laughing,
as you reach out to me,
and i'm left, again,
with one choice.
i wouldn't change it for the world.

i think i'm bad at everything i do
'cause we live in a world
that's full of birds that drown
and cliche's that you can't stop to use,
and lovers loving other people,
when all we want is just one thing.

the black and white of the sky,
it's prettier than what i'm seeing,
and pictures are too dull
i'm looking for more,
so we fake our ways through life
to try to think we're vibrant
and we fear of stepping out of ourselves,
because we don't want to love anyone else besides you.

and you disguise yourself so pretty,
while she walks around away from you
and you worry and she does too,
but you both have something to worry about,
loving someone else with hearts that lie,
she lies so much and i'm thinking you do too.

i'm not great at anything,
because i think we're living too shallow,
and my mind's not made for you,
so i can't learn from my mistakes,
because i love the feeling of being in control,
on the last edge of my breath,
i can take it all back or i can change for myself.

i take the jump and forget half of myself behind,
falling, we're all just falling all over,
until we get to the bottom, but by then
we've regret we loved someone else,
but we've found what we're looking for.

chords like hands,
swinging gently in the air
and your music,
delicate and careful,
soft and everything you couldn't say.
you don't speak your words
and your smile is disheveled like your hair,
your face,
twisting into something different
and the look in your eyes that come with it,
it's peculiar as you look away,
expression dazed and lackluster,
a permanent scar left after a mistake you don't regret.

see what you can't find,
just listen to what they have to say
and wake up, find yourself,
you aren't breathing,
you aren't meant to be,
meant to be like this.

your mind uncertain,
words are clearing the smoke
and you can't comprehend,
just wait until they see you
on the floor helpless
and your hair as if it's the night,
they ask if you'll survive this.

you're on the floor,
waiting for yourself to pick you up
and your voice is changing so quickly
and you're becoming lucky
as every moment passes by,
i'm still standing here,
looking into your closed eyes.

we're so concerned
about the time we've lost,
and the time we have left,
it's never enough
and i'm never around,
i can't look you in the eye
and say another lie,
i never let you in
and i can't stand near you.

we shut them out
surrounded by everything we wanted,
but that's only in the future,
the one we don't have time for,
and the past that we lost,
we can't get back,
the feelings will last forever
it's never fair enough,
it's never enough for us.

i shut you out
and i walked away
from all of this,
from everything i want,
just to live with what i've got
and just to feel what it's like
to be missing a part of me for the rest of my life,
we've got it all in our hands
with the leather hearts that tear apart,
i'm not so strong now
but i bet i could be better than you.

don't try for this,
don't try too hard, i could be a waste,
we spent the past missing what we wanted
and now we're just making mistakes
and hoping we'll eventually set it right,
but it's never fair enough
and i won't ever look you in the eye again.

just one last thing
but i can't make any promises to you,
i'm leaving here too soon
and i'm too aware of every movement i make,
and all the things i never did
and everything i always said,
i can't keep regretting,
but the feeling's not going to last.

he'll break you down if you keep too close,
it's all over his mind,
just so he can see what you can find,
this is too slow and the road is icy,
this isn't lasting forever,
the motion's too fast,
the movement of your heart
and the lights, we can't keep up,

and smoke until our last breath,
this isn't going to last forever,
and the look you give me as you lean across the table,
my mind was elsewhere but the image,
it's too cliche to find words,
but it's not going to last.

chase
what you swear you won't keep,
hold onto
all the things you can't let go,
and if you're ever going to think,
do something about it.

swallow the lights,
feel the swing of the sky,
and fall hard if you must fall.

but you will never fail,
not if i can keep you,
if i can't let you go.

open your eyes,
let out the smoke from your lungs,
lift yourself up,
wake and look at what's in front of you.

think if you must.
do what you must.

just don't let it go.

so tell me, finally,
when does this end,
finally,
and you've got all you ever wanted,
but one thing's missing
and i can't say i'm the one,
do we let go or move on?

she said it falls into place one way or the other,
nothing will align but the time
and it keeps on running,
running away from us,
we're stuck in motion,
of what we remembered last,
just the things we want to remember.

are we still holding onto those promises,
drawing it out for years to come,
or did we abandon everything we've ever learned,
everything we thought we knew,
just to see something outside of what we wanted,
to make sure this isn't what it really seems.

you didn't say a word,
don't take it back,
i'd rather have misleading silence
than us hurting side by side,
and when will this fall into place,
we owe it to ourselves,
to move on or let go,
maybe we don't have to do either,
and keep our promises for the first time.

too far apart 
and you said we were so close, 
just a blink away and now i'm standing on the edge, 
so you have room to roam
room to breathe and to find me. 

just one chance to take it all back 
just another glance to say everything i meant, 
cause these dreams are killing me 
and i can't remember your voice 
your face fading, 
and all i have left are your words cutting me, 
breaking my heart, i'm breaking it and all you wanted was the past. 

melt the love they said we had, 
just one more look 
i could tell you what i've been meaning to

/unfinished shit. 

colors aligned
words phrased,
perfectly set
as if they're apart of you,
but you're not as strong as stone,
though your words,
they bruise my thoughts,
don't become what you swore you wouldn't

i'm not capable of this,
what you're trying to do,
forgetting is my weakness
and love is your melting point,
and you think i don't remember
anything that we told each other,
but i could swear i know
more than half of every look you gave me,
it's just your thoughts
that i don't understand.

your world has changed on me
and again i'm left in the corner,
stumbling home and struggling
just to come up with one apology,
the same i've said a million times
just not your face,
my words don't belong with you somehow,
but it's perfectly well
that you don't understand.

i look for your voice,
humming with the crowd,
waves surround me,

and if i could close my eyes
just for a moment
only to remember
what i've always wanted to forget,
your presence,
next to me yet so far away,
i don't know you anymore.

if you could take it back,
and hold the world in your hands,
would you keep me when everything falls,
as i'm crashing to the ground with you,
and we're so small in this world,
we never believed anything but what we felt,
i could never believe a single word.

walking briskly
in a city you've never been,
the sky too clear and my eyes too bright,
the dust disappears early in the night,
and you take her shoulder
and she laughs a sweet sound,
what day it's been
and what a thought you want.
your eyes glance across the room,
and you carry her from here to there
but she's just waiting for something to happen,
she just needs another moment to waste,
and five months from now,
she won't remember your name.

for once the sky
it turns so gray
just how you loved it,
maybe this time it'll be okay,
and then you'll wonder
why couldn't you fall in love.

these dark words
i just can't hold onto them anymore,
and my feelings
they just aren't the same as before,
condensed into one
give a clue, a tiny one
and tell me how you feel

youre as bare as the leaves
and what would happen
if i left
i couldn't take it
i couldn't take it away from you,
i can't take myself away from me,
i can't try to love anything anymore,
i'm too far away

tell yourself to stop falling
from that gray sky you loved,
you told me the things you loved
and you brought me in with the cold,
i told you before
i can't learn to love
minutes and years just passed
and we're in the same moment as we always have been.

just one day was all i needed,
just to forget what it felt like
to feel something for once,
to drop it all and float in nothing,
the world out of my head and
i'm tired of being alone
and i'm too awake to keep still
my damage is nothing compared to you,
we're all full of shit.

and they don't matter one bit
but my head's always in the wrong place,
i'm always on the inside
and why can't i go back,
walk on the other side and live out there,
and they're bombarding me so closely
and there's just those times
where we fall for nothing
and i'm tired of being alone
and i can't think when i'm not there,
damaged and fragile,
we're all full of shit.

i want to believe in something
just have some kind of hope for this,
but your voice fades
and i can't even remember your face
but i refuse to think of what will happen
if these days become forever,

i'm tired of being alone
and my damage isn't enough for you
and i'm tired of fixing it all
fall down for nothing, we say,
that's all that we can compare us to.
but his light isn't enough
and your glow
its just like that,
my face pale and im too small
im too small to notice
my heart's not in this
but i swear i can learn
i just don't want to anymore,
i'm tired of being in this again,
just fall down and lose myself
just like you had,
but we're all full of shit.

stars fall on your head
and i fall in your mind,
where down the street can you find
what you will never get?

arms covered in veins
life like life's a series,
another time and it's all the same,
what's different about you now,
what is it that i can't see anymore? 

you twist and turn
caught in between,
undone at the hem,
at the heart,
lost your way toward your life,
and once again you're falling,
but the stars are faster this time around.

keep me somewhere close,
stored away inside a box,
keep me from those stars,
the ones you can't stop
and the way you look at me,
erase the feeling
erase the time
run from the sun
run from me
my veins covered my mind
life like life's a lie,
life like life's a dream,
and now you're too far to keep
hidden in mine,
you lost me on your way
far from the sun.

watch
as i make something you can see,
you can touch and wonder
twists and gangly hallows
winding and reaching for the top,
for your mind,
it's abstract and you're three-d,
turns and squares,
but i don't like corners,
just a soft flow
of where i can walk,
drawing these lines,
twists and swirls,
they connect,
they love,
and my mind angry
while i can't seem to think
of where to lead them next,
meeting another end,
it's all connected,
we're all connected,
my lines are branches,
waves, crashing off each other,
the charcoal dust smearing,
it's a bridge to the other side,
the paper full of my mind,
everything thought i've been thinking,
peeling off my fingers,
rushing through the material,
my eyes focused and blurred
and maybe i'm not thinking at this point,
so now this line, this curve is an empty one,
twist
turn
crashed,
the waves crashed when i felt pain,
when you came beside me
and asked something of me,
i can't give you anything,
my lines, twists and curls
they're bleeding, wanting
to tell you something,
just listen.